Mysty PfefferMy friend, does it surprise you, the perfect listener is not the guy who owns my heart? Can you relate to what I’m saying? Only he and a couple of other people have the power to come in and trash my good mood instantly. It makes me think long and hard about how and why this person can dash hopes so quickly.
For instance, my husband asks, “How was your day?” As I begin to talk, he distractedly looks through the mail and starts walking out of the room as if I am not speaking at all. Mumbling, “What?” on his way out, causes me to raise my voice in answer, but it also changes the tone.
The pleasant exchange is fading as the slight annoyance of disregard is rising.
Who is Listening?
In a matter of seconds, he grabs the change in tone and hurls a sharp rebuke in response. In effect, he is setting off an emotional upheaval.
The dart swiftly and accurately pierces a place of vulnerability. My husband does not see or hear me, and he does not care.
Ok, emotions, back up just a bit.
Let’s have this conversation with the Lord before involving the love of my life. The apostle, Peter, speaks to this very well.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.
1 Peter 5:6-7
1 Peter 5 HCSB – About the Elders – Therefore, as a – Bible Gateway
Peter is talking about younger men being subject to their elders. It is right to show the elders respect and courtesy. The same courtesy he advises wives to show their husbands in chapter 3 of 1 Peter:
In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the Christian message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live when they observe your pure, everent lives.
1 Peter 3:1-2
Jesus Sees Me, He Hears Me
A key phrase for me here is “the way their wives live.” Including the way she speaks, responds to harsh words, or even distraction. Why is this so important? Because the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking to see who he can devour (1 Peter 5:8). He wants my marriage to end, he wants my hopes dashed, and he wants my life destroyed. All because I place my hope and trust in Christ. I choose today to hang onto Him.
Jesus does see me; He does hear me, and He does care. I’d say chances are, so does the man who owns my heart forever. However, mentally he is not in a place to deal with me right now. Ok, then, why ask how my day is?
He’s trying. Although he thinks he’s ready for the onslaught of words and the speed at which they flow…he is not a perfect listener. Honestly, neither am I. The communication failure is as potent as my hand grazing the oven rack when cooking his dinner. So, I must face the facts; my husband is not equipped to listen well.
Timing Is Everything
Therefore, I must be an investigator. What’s his body language today? Is it receptive and open or aloof and distracted? Should I say something like, “My day was perfect, when you’ve showered and rested, we’ll talk about it.” Or maybe, “It was crappy actually, so when you’re ready to hear it, I’ll talk.”
Offering a set of options seems to work better with my guy than spontaneously divulging my subtle details as soon as he walks in the door, regardless if he asks!
But I must tell you thirty-two years of marriage does not take the sting away when I miscalculate my opportunity to speak. The most tender area of sensitivity is in my life-long love for this man. Any sign of discontent or distractedness threatens that in small ways to this day.
God’s word says bring my words to Him first. He’ll deal with the husband, just as He’s already dealt with the devil! Although good moods come and go, I hope to sustain the relationship I have with my spouse. In the meantime, I can boldly place my mundane or tumultuous thoughts before Jesus because He is the perfect listener.
